Love technology and dating
At the same time, we know what’s expected from us in a face-to-face conversation, and we know much less about what we’re supposed to do with a contextless baseball card in a messaging thread you have to actively remember to look at — at work, when you’re connected to Wi Fi.
Even as they’ve lost much of their stigma, dating apps have acquired a transitional set of contradictory cultural connotations and mismatched norms that border on dark comedy.
“Three thousand swipes, at two seconds per swipe, translates to a solid one hour and 40 minutes of swiping,” reporter Casey Johnston wrote, all to narrow your options down to eight people who are “worth responding to,” and then go on a single date with someone who is, in all likelihood, not going to be a real contender for your heart or even your brief, mild interest. ), and “dating app fatigue” is a phenomenon that has been discussed before.
published a feature-length report called “The Rise of Dating App Fatigue” in October 2016.
published “Tinder is not actually for meeting anyone,” a first-person account of the relatable experience of swiping and swiping through thousands of potential matches and having very little to show for it.
Last month, I started making a Spotify playlist made up of boys’ choices for the “My Anthem” field on Tinder, and wondered if it would be immoral to show it to anyone — self-presentation stripped of its context, pushed back into being just art, but with a header that twisted it into a sick joke.
Then a friend of mine texted me on Valentine’s Day to say he’d deleted all his dating apps — he’d gotten tired of the notifications popping up in front of the person he’s been dating, and it seemed like the “healthy” option. Certainly I would not make the argument that dating apps are pleasant all the time, or that a dating app has helped find everlasting love for every person who has ever sought it, but it’s time to stop throwing anecdotal evidence at a debate that has already been ended with numbers.
We haven’t had these tools for long enough to have a clear idea of how we’re supposed to use them — what’s considerate, what’s kind, what’s logical, what’s cruel.
An hour and 40 minutes of swiping to find one person to go on a date with is really not that daunting, compared to the idea of standing around a few different bars for four hours and finding no one worth talking to.
You could just turn notifications off, I thought, but what I said was “Wow! You don’t care about my Tinder stories and I don’t care about yours.